Techdirt:Stop Forming Groups To Fight Spyware, Start Fighting Spyware

Techdirt:Stop Forming Groups To Fight Spyware, Start Fighting Spyware

It's no secret to anyone that knows me that I can't stand "business" and this is a perfect example of why. These assclowns spend all day forming groups, having meetings, making powerpoints, filling out forms, and don't ever actually DO anything.

I was cooking some lunch the other day and I heard something that I couldn't believe. When I was a little kid, people bought "used" cars, that not sounding good enough they became "previously owned". To me this is just idiotic marketing bullshit for "used", but what do I know. Now, back to the cooking, the TV was on in the other room so I didn't see what company it was but I guess "previously owned" isn't stupid enough anymore, this company is selling "previously enjoyed" vehicles. I am dumber. The sad thing is I KNOW this took a team of 6 idiots (with masters degrees and making $100K a year) a month to come up with, test market, hold "focus groups" and do all the other "marketing bullshit" they do to make themselves feel like they matter.

You all know the old saying "those who can, do; those who can't, teach" I think "those who can't teach, go into business" should be added. Seriously, I don't think the movie Office Space is that funny, it's more like a documentary of what I see daily. Seriously, I had to go to a meeting to decide when we would have a meeting, and IT TOOK AN HOUR!!!! I have to fill out a form, to request a form, so I mail a package. At work they have started putting up posters asking for suggestions to save money, seems like a good idea, right? Well it would be if it weren't a typical business thing. The posters are professionally designed, on glossy paper, 24x36, framed, and screwed into the wall. I am sure it took 10 meetings just to decide they needed to save money, 6 more to come up with the idea of a poster, 3 companies to bid on the work, 5 more meetings to vote on the top 6, a consumer group to vote on the best one, 3 more companies to bid on the printing, 3 more meetings to pick a printer, bids on a company to frame and install them, 2 more meetings to decide the hanging height, I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. My point is, by the time you add up everything involved in getting this poster out, you are already $100K in the hole. I have an even better one: to save money all the vending machine lights have been removed, yes, I am serious. Every other floor has a candy machine and the floors with candy get a Pepsi machine, the others get just a Coke machine and there are about 150 floors in my building so that is a lot of lights. Your dad was always yelling at you to turn off the lights so it must save money, no? Well, lets look a little closer. There are about 150 soda machines and 75 candy machines for a total of 225 machines. I saw inside a candy machine so I know there is 1 small fluorescent bulb in there so I'll use that for my example. As we see in the link a bulb costs about 3 cents a day to run, so that is $2.25 a day. With fumbling for keys, travel time, opening each machine, getting past security, etc. lets say a guy can average 2 machines an hour. 75 machines / 2 per hour = 37.5 hours so even if the guy only makes $5 per hour it would take 83.3 days, JUST TO BREAK EVEN. (Even a 15 year old kid at mcDonalds makes $8 so realistically you can assume the vending machine guy makes a lot more than $5) Then add to it the stuff that didn't get done since this guy had to waste a week turning off lights and add the extra time it takes each person to buy stuff since they can't see into the machine to pick something. Then add all the extra calls made to the help desk to report the light had "burned out", there were a lot. In fact there were so many calls that they sent someone to each machine, on each floor to tape a sign to each machine saying the light was not burned out but turned off to save money. YES, they sent the guy out to visit each machine AGAIN so now we are up to 166.66 days to break even. Now add the cost of the paper, toner, and tape used for each sign. We now won't see any savings for about 6 months and even then it will be only a little over $2 a day for a company that lost billions.

Whew, long rant! My point is that business does stuff just because "that is what business people do". There is no logic, common sense, or thought to it, just the same old thing over and over. You would think that with all the meetings and all the people involved in even the smallest decision, someone would do a little critical thinking. Don't get me started on marketing, they are the militant arm of business bullshit!